I saw Mike tonight at team trivia. Our friendship is so interesting. We're flirty with each other, but I don't expect anything or let it affect my heart. It's almost just naturally how we interact together...I can't really explain it.

Mike had 2 interviews for a job in Green Bay in the last couple of weeks, and was finally given an offer. He's been thinking, praying, and processing this decision for the last week and told me tonight he's 80% sure he's going to take it. It's either take the job (in the field he wants to work in and has a passion for) in a city he doesn't want to live in, or stay in the city he loves and sell running shoes (not a field he has a passion for). Naturally, he's leaning towards following his passion. I don't blame the guy. I did that when I moved from Madison to Milwaukee before I felt ready. It turned out to be the best thing for me...after the hardest year of my life.

I want him to pursue his passion. I want him to have the opportunity to do what he loves doing. But, to be honest...I don't want him to leave. I love having him here. We have so much fun. He's fun to be around. He makes me laugh. He makes me feel important. He's become a really good friend and I will miss him terribly if he leaves. And I honestly mean that just as a friend.

I hate change. Anyone who knows me well knows my whole life has been about change, and I'm ready for it to end. But unfortunately, change is a part of life and I have to accept it. I hate that friends come and go in my life. I hate that people I once felt close to feel distant now. But, I'm having to come to terms with the fact that God has put certain people in my life at certain times for a reason. It may be just for a season or it may be longer...but each person plays a role. And I've noticed that God also has put the right people in my life at the right times. He knows what I need in my life and hasn't failed to provide that. I just need to remember to trust His timing and learn to let go if it's time for a friend to move on...as hard as it may be.

Kindergartenism #35:
The kiddos were posting signs in the classroom and hallway in hopes to catch a leprechaun. One of the signs read: "God in our room!!!" He was trying to say "Gold in our room!" :)

Kindergartenism #36:
Mrs. Thaker: "What are some things that humans need in order to live?"
Various children: "Food." "Water." "Shelter."
Liam: "Cell phones."

Kindergartenism #34:
Me: "What are you doing Josh?"
Josh: "I'm just getting a drink because my hand hurts."

Kindergartenism #33:
Me: "Today is Dr. Suess' birthday. How old do you think he is?"
Josh: "20!"

I have found some great friends through church/HUB (bible study)/and Heritage here. We've had great laughs and many fun moments. I'm very thankful for them.

If it weren't for some of those friends, I'd feel lost and alone right now. Even with those friends, I still sometimes feel like that. Aside from my small group of "closer" friends here, I feel a little like an outcast, specifically at church/HUB. One girl stopped speaking to me because she had expressed an interest in Mike right before he and I started spending time together. Apparently I've ended up back in high school somehow...

And then sometimes I just feel invisible. I went to Heritage's spring play tonight with some people from my HUB and they hardly talked to me. I just sat there like an extra wheel while they all talked to each other. At one point, we were standing in a circle talking after the play and people moved in front of me and shut me out of the circle so I wasn't a part of it. Unintentional, I'm sure (at least I hope...), but still a little hurtful.

Last weekend, my friends were invited to multiple events by people from church...I wasn't invited to anything.

Am I boring to people? Harsh? Do I say things that make some people not want to try to get to know me more? I don't understand...

I like to be liked by people. I like feeling part of a group. I like being included. When that doesn't happen, it hurts and I don't understand why I'm not. Not only by people I'm not as close to, but even by people I consider close friends. And then I feel like if I didn't initiate any phone calls or conversations with friends, I would never hear from some of them. My close friends or even friends from church all talk to each other, but I'm left feeling out of the loop. Forgotten. Lost in the shuffle.

I think that's a big reason I latched on to spending so much time with Mike. It was someone that found an interest in me and liked spending time with me. And to be honest, I like that he still pays attention to me when we hang out...even just as friends. He's someone who includes me...doesn't forget about me...genuinely enjoys being around me. It makes my heart feel good. Not in a romantic way...just in general.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm doing something that sends people around me a signal not to get close to me. If you're reading this and have any insight on this, I'd appreciate it because I'm completely clueless.

I don't want my self-worth to solely be based on what others think of me. But, how others perceive me is still important. I want to know if I'm doing something that keeps people at a distance...good friends and acquaintances alike. I'll let you know if I figure anything out...

Okay, so this isn't a kindergartenism, but it was a funny story a second grade teacher shared the other day in the lounge:

A second grade class was in the computer lab and the librarian was showing them a website about animals. There were multiple animals to click on and the librarian asked the class which animal she should click on. A student blurts out "A fricken elephant!" The librarian scolds the student for using the word "fricken" and then the second grade teacher pulls the student out into the hallway to talk to him. After scolding the student again for blurting out and using an inappropriate word in school, she asks the student why he did it (this student is usually a really well-behaved kid). With a worried look on his face, the student replies "I meant to say African elephant!!" Haha!

I have not been doing a good job of writing down the latest kindergartenisms! Or for keeping this updated for that matter...

Kindergartenism #31:
Me (working one-on-one with students): "Alright, we're done Oscar. Can you get Shelby next?"
Oscar (skipping down the hallway): "YES!! I get to get the girl I'm going to marry!!"

Kindergartenism #32:
Me: "Can you get Ella next?"
Josh (rolls his eyes): "Oh great."
Me: "What's the matter?"
Josh: "Ella is my arch enemy!"
Me: "Well, I think you can handle telling her to come out into the hallway."

Well it's been a couple weeks since I last updated. I'll try my best to update the last few weeks of my life.

Mike and I are just friends at this point. I don't see it being anything other than that. And I'm actually okay with that. We've become pretty good friends over the last few months and I've just been enjoying that. He interviewed for a job in Green Bay that went pretty well, so it's a possibility he may be moving in the near future. He doesn't want to move so he's going to try to still look for something around Milwaukee, but he may eventually have to go where the jobs are. I've been trying to process in my head and heart where I'm at and how I'm feeling about everything. I honestly am feeling okay with where things are at. With the possibility of a move for Mike, I'm thankful we never got into a relationship. I'm not ready for anything long-distance...that's not what I want right now. And while I've enjoyed hanging out with him as friends, there are little things about him that I'm unsure about in terms of someone I want to date. So, for now, I'm having fun being his friend.

My job is going well. It's getting to the point in the year where the kids are restless and crankier, so it's been stressful at times. I found out a few weeks ago that there is a 2nd grade teacher at my school that is retiring after this year. So, I told my principal that I'm interested in her position and asked him to observe me teach sometime. I have a pretty good foot in the door for this position, but they have to post the opening to the entire district and I'll have to interview for it along with everyone else interested. But my principal will do the hiring, so I have a good leg-up.

I'll try to be better about keeping this updated!

Kindergartenism #29:
Logan (in art class at 2:30 pm): "It's 8:00...it's almost time to go!"

Kindergartenism #30:
Lauren (in art class): "Miss Hansen, can you write 'picture by Lauren W. Art Class 2010' in cursive?"
Me: "Sure. Why?"
Lauren: "I want my picture to be in a museum someday! It has to be in cursive because adults are going to read it."