Kenya -- Day 5

Tuesday 6/25 - Loitoktok Medical Camp
After a couple of hours of "sleep" (between someone chopping wood until the wee hours of the night and sleeping on the floor, we didn't get much solid sleep), we woke up bright and early to catch a glimpse of Mt. Kilimanjaro's peak.  Since June is the beginning of winter in Kenya, it was overcast just about everyday.  However, at dawn or right before dusk, the clouds would often break.  Getting up at the crack of dawn proved to be worth it once we made our way across the street to get a good view of the mountain.  We all stood in awe of God and His creation as we watched the sun rise and cast shadows on the peak.  Pictures don't do it justice.

We returned to the camp to grab a breakfast of eggs, toast, and tea before the craziness of the day.  Even before the start of the medical camp at 8:00 am, people started to show up and wait.  This was the first medical camp Beacon of Hope had done in Loitoktok, so we didn't really know how many people to expect.  The night before, we had delegated roles for everyone and I was made a "runner".  My job was to take the patients from the doctor/clinic area and to walk them to their next location - HIV testing, cervical cancer testing, or pharmacy.  The set-up of this medical camp wasn't ideal because the location of the pharmacy was a long walk across an open area of dirt.  At first, I didn't really feel like my job was super important, but after walking about a dozen patients all the way to the pharmacy in the first hour or less, I quickly realized how long this day was going to be.  As soon as I would return from walking one patient over, a doctor would have another patient ready to go.  Because the patients were mostly Maasai people, most didn't speak English or even Swahili.  The doctors and nurses used local translators, but I wasn't able to speak to the patients I walked with.  They often walked out of the clinic looking confused and lost, which required me to speak directly to the doctor or refer to their paperwork to know where to take them.  

Because I couldn't talk to the patients, I often didn't know their stories.  However, the doctors learned the most about these people and what brought them to the clinic.  We quickly learned that many of the people that visited us had never seen a doctor before.  There is a hospital in the general area, but so many of these people's mode of transportation is by foot, making medical care very inaccessible.  In addition, many of the Maasai people are farmers, and therefore can't afford medical care even if they had access to it.  The doctors shared many cool stories with us afterwards, but I'll just share a couple.

One Maasai man came missing a leg, hobbling in on a homemade crutch and walking stick, and wearing the traditional Maasai dress.  One of our American doctors, Todd, saw him and told us that many years ago, he was attacked by a lion.  The initial attack left him wounded, but he still had his leg.  A few years later, he was attacked by a lion again, in which he lost almost his entire leg.  He was able to get around using his homemade crutch, but his leg stub rubbed the crutch every time he took a step, causing a large open sore.  Todd was able to treat the open wound, and got him in touch with someone who could provide him with a covering for his stub so it wouldn't continue getting injured with each step he took.  I can't even imagine how much this little treatment changed this man's life.  We actually had a few men come in claiming they had been attacked by lions, which makes sense when you realize they live in the Serengeti.  We also learned that a traditional Maasai rite of passage is to catch a lion, which I imagine would result in a lot of injuries.  Talk about cultures being worlds apart.

Another man brought in a young child, around 4 or 5 years old.  The man said the boy had never been able to walk.  Our doctors were able to determine that the child had Cerebral Palsy, explain to the man what that meant, and got him in touch with the local hospital to get the boy braces for his legs.  So cool.

Discussing with a translator trying to figure out what this patient needs

Befriending a little boy who was waiting for his father to finish with a doctor

Walking a Maasai woman the lengthy walk to the pharmacy

There was a consistent long line all day and people waited for hours.  All I could think about was how quickly Americans would complain or give up if heaven forbid we ever have to wait a fraction of how long these people voluntarily waited.

My fellow runner partner, Mick!

Maasai beauty

I feel like this is straight out of National Geographic!

Kenya -- Days 3 & 4

Sunday 6/23
For church on Sunday, we went to Nairobi Chapel - Rongai.  Nairobi Chapel is a church similar to Blackhawk in that it has many venues around the Nairobi area.  The Rongai campus reminded us a lot of Blackhawk - Fitchburg (or so I was told...I haven't been to the Fitchburg venue yet).  The atmosphere felt very similar to church in the States, but once the music started, it suddenly felt completely different!  The music they played was upbeat, some of it was in English and some in Swahili, and just about every song included dancing!  Not only did the Kenyans do their own little dances to the music, but the worship leaders led the whole congregation in various dance moves!  With this only being our 2nd full day in Kenya, I was feeling pretty out of my comfort zone.  I loved watching everyone during worship though.  There was so much joy and praise in the room - enough to blanket the entire city.  Everyone was just so joyful and so in love with the Lord.  It was hard not to smile.  After church, Nairobi Chapel had a newcomers tea.  We went outside to a tent set up next to the church and were served tea and mandazis.  Since Kenya was colonized by the British, there are still many British influences in the culture, and tea is one of them.  The Kenyans have tea and mandazis every day around 10:00 am (and also sometimes in the afternoon).  The tea is a chai-type of tea mixed with milk and offered with sugar on the side.  It wasn't as good as a chai you might get at Starbucks or something, but it wasn't bad.  At the newcomers tea, some of the worship team sat and had tea with us.  At our table, we talked to Linstrom, one of the vocalists and "emcees" of the service.  (Kenyan church services have "emcees" that talk about announcements, things happening in the church, and lead the congregation in a "question of the day" where everyone discusses a topic related to the sermon or something happening in the church).  Linstrom works full-time as a tax guy and loved asking us about what life is like in Wisconsin.  He couldn't quite fathom the thought of snowy and cold winters.  ;)  This was my first experience really talking to and getting to know one of the locals.  It was awesome to hear what his life is like in Kenya, and note the similarities and differences.  We all talked about how cool it would be for our churches to do some sort of exchange program, where we could go to Kenya and work with Nairobi Chapel, and they could come to Wisconsin and work with Blackhawk.  If anything, Linstrom would love to visit the States, so Kristin and I exchanged email addresses with him and have since connected with him on Facebook.

After church, we went to Ken and Jane Wathome's house for lunch.  Jane Wathome is the founder of Beacon of Hope and is an incredible woman.  She has such a heart for the people of her country and is doing so many things to spread the love of Jesus to the sick and poor in many parts of Kenya.  Ken and Jane have a beautiful house with an incredible patio/backyard.  I've never seen such a beautifully manicured lawn and landscaping!  We ate a ton of amazing food, connected to wifi for the first time since landing in Kenya, and enjoyed a relaxing afternoon of fellowship with her family.  It was the afternoon we had all been needing.

Ken and Jane Wathome's house

Our team enjoying an amazing lunch in the backyard of the Wathomes'

Later on Sunday, a few of us visited the Karen Blixen museum.  I have yet to see it, but the movie Out of Africa was about Karen Blixen.  She was an influential woman to the Kenya in the early 20th century and helped many people in her community.  She lived not far from where we were staying in the town of Karen (named after her), so her house was made into a museum.  It was interesting to hear about her life.  The team is planning an Out of Africa viewing party sometime this summer for those of us who haven't seen it. :)

Us at the Karen Blixen museum

Karen Blixen museum

Monday 6/24
In the morning, we went to Beacon of Hope for their daily devotional time.  All of the Beacon staff (except the teachers) gather every morning for worship and teaching.  The worship time was simple - one man, David, leading the singing, and everyone's voices.  Now, we have some very talented musicians at Blackhawk and even on our team, but let me tell ya, Kenyans can sing!  Their harmonies are unmatchable.  It was so cool to just listen to their voices sing praises in Swahili.  After learning a few Swahili songs, we heard a devotional from Beacon's chaplain.

After devotions and tea time, we started loading things up to begin the long drive to our first medical camp location, Loitoktok ("Loy-tock-tock").  Loitoktok is a small rural community located near the Kenya-Tanzania border, near the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro, and part of the Masai Mara (the Kenyan side of the Serengeti).  The Masai Mara is home to the Maasai tribe.  As we drove through the Masai Mara, it felt like we had stepped back into time.  The land was wide open in every direction with hardly any sign of civilization.  Every now and then, we would see small huts with Maasai people tending to cattle or walking with large walking sticks.  Many of them still wear the traditional Maasai tribal dress, which consists of bright red and blue fabric worn as shawls or skirts.  All of them stretch out their earlobes and have circles branded on their cheeks.  The women wear a ton of brightly colored jewelry on their ears and heads.

Woman in traditional Maasai dress that visited our medical camp

One thing we learned pretty quickly is that the Kenyans' view of time is very different than Americans. We are so used to sticking to a schedule, not being late, and being efficient so that we can get as much done in a certain amount of time as possible.  That's not how the Kenyans work.  Time is usually a general guideline, and we quickly learned not to really trust the amount of time we were told by a Kenyan.  Our drive to Loitoktok was one of our first lessons in this.  We were told that it would be a 3 hour drive, 4 at the most.  5 1/2 hours later, we finally made it to the church where the medical camp was going to be.  Mealtimes are another example of how time is not of as much importance.  While we are very used to lunch or dinner being at a certain time, we never really knew when our next mealtime would be.  When we got to Loitoktok, it was "dinnertime" according to our American internal clocks; however there was a lot of work to be done before we could think about food.  We met the church pastor that was hosting us and his family, and started setting things up for the medical camp.  Of course, a big group of "Mzungus" (white people) rolling into a tiny community like Loitoktok would attract some attention.  Some of the neighborhood children noticed us and quickly started hanging around our site.  A few of us tried to talk to them, but most of them didn't know much English.  Either way, they were freaking adorable and we did our best to play and interact with them.  Afterwards, we ate dinner and had a worship/devotional time with our team, the Beacon of Hope team, and the local church's team.  It included a lot of dancing and laughing.  Shortly after, all the women set up sleeping bags in the "youth room", the men set up in the church, and we attempted to get a few hours of sleep before a long medical camp day.

Colleen and I with some of the local children!

My favorite local Loitoktok child.  Her name was Wongatti (sp?) and followed me around everywhere. :)

Setting up the camp inside the church.  We hung sheets to make "cubicles" for each of the doctors to have their own space to see patients.

Kenya -- Days 1 & 2

I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Kenya!  I still can't believe I did something like this.  I usually am afraid to go out of my comfort zone, and this trip certainly did that!  I'm so glad I did though.  It was quite the experience.  We did so much on our trip, so I'm going to break the trip down and summarize a day or two at a time.

I went with a team of 17 people from Blackhawk, ranging in age from 19 to mid-50s, and consisting of mostly doctors/nurses and teachers/educators.  Once in Kenya, we met up with 3 other men who joined our team for the week.

Friday 6/21
After a long trip (16 hours in a plane), we made it to Kenya late on Friday night (Kenya time).  We picked up some necessities and headed straight to the guest house for bed.  We stayed at Kijiji (pronounced "ka-jee-jee") Guest House in Karen, a suburb of Nairobi.  Kijiji (or "the Jeej" as we started calling it halfway through the trip) consisted of 2 large, round buildings with many 2 or 3-person bedrooms, and one cottage big enough for 4 people.  I stayed in the cottage with Colleen (whom I shared a bedroom with), Julie, and Tara.  We eventually deemed our cottage "The Ladies Lounge" because we were the only ones with a living room area and kitchen.  The accommodations were pretty nice for Kenya.  The bathrooms/showers were similar to nicer camping bathrooms in the States.  We slept in beds like you would find at a summer camp.  I slept pretty hard every night I was there, so they must not have been that bad. ;)

Outside view of our "Ladies Lounge" cottage at Kijiji

Saturday 6/22
Saturday morning, we woke up bright and early, and grabbed breakfast at the Kijiji cafeteria.  One of my biggest worries was the food, but we actually ate a lot of things you would eat in the States.  Breakfast usually consisted of eggs, toast, and sausage (although the sausage was very different than ours...rumor has it that it could've been chicken or even warthog!).  Some days we even had french toast.  After breakfast, we drove to Beacon of Hope, the organization our church partners with and that we were working with for the week.  BOH helps women with or affected by AIDS, in addition to running a clinic for AIDS testing, treatment, and education, and a primary school for ages 3-8.  BOH teaches women with or affected by AIDS various skills to help them provide for their family.  Women there can learn weaving, sewing, beadwork, or cooking.  The products they make are then sold and the profits go to the women.  BOH is growing quickly, so when we went on Saturday morning for a tour, we were able to see the new buildings in the process of being built.  They are building a youth center, where teens can spend time and take classes on music, art, cooking, etc., a guest house for groups like us to come and stay, a large group gathering room for large group meetings and morning devotions, and a new school building to house more grades than the school has now.  It was so cool to see all they are doing for the community.  After the tour, the teachers on our team met with the teachers of BOH Academy to discuss our plans for the 2 days we were going to spend with them.  They had given us a list of things they wanted our help with and for us to bring, so we had to narrow down what we would have time to accomplish.

Afterwards, we grabbed a quick lunch at a coffee shop (similar to Panera), and headed to another organization our church is involved with called Care of Creation.  COC teaches local farmers good farming practices in order to help preserve the land.  There is a lot of deforestation happening in parts of Kenya due to people mainly relying on fire as a heating source for cooking.  Farmers also don't use the land wisely when they farm, so COC is helping them farm in order to prevent erosion and to use space wisely.  We were served tea and mandazis (like a donut) upon arrival, heard all about what COC is doing, and then saw some of their garden plots, demonstrating the farming practices they teach.

That night, we got dinner at Kijiji and had a laid-back evening.  A few people came over to our cottage to hang out and then went to bed.

The main building at Beacon of Hope

Beacon of Hope Academy

Life has been pretty busy lately, so I haven't been very good about blogging.  Now that school is out and I won't be working this summer, hopefully I will be better at keeping you guys updated.

Things with Josh are going wonderfully.  He is an amazing man.  The amount of communication and openness in our relationship has been much more than I'm used to, but I love and appreciate it.  Josh is going through a tough custody battle right now and has been put through the ringer in attempts to keep his kids and get more time with them.  I feel so badly for all that he's been and is going through.  This has definitely made our relationship go to a different level right away.  Although there's not much I can physically do to help him, it has caused me to think about how I can be supportive of him and help him through this time.  It has definitely made me stop and think, "Wow, I'm really an adult now."  I've never experienced divorce from this side of things, and I don't have any experience with the court system.  I'm definitely learning a lot.  It really sucks and I'm praying for a positive outcome when it's all said and done in July.

One thing that I'm learning about myself through my relationship with Josh is that I have a lot of fears.  I've been in some not-so-healthy relationships in the past, which contribute to these fears.  Recently, I've been finding myself having slight freak-out moments where I start to worry that Josh is pulling away or that he will say he's not interested in me anymore.  In my past relationships, the guys have always been the ones to end things between us, oftentimes out of nowhere.  Even in my longest relationship of over a year where I thought I was going to marry the guy, he ended things.  I am absolutely terrified of that happening with Josh.  I care about Josh a lot and can without a doubt see a future with him.  He is so much of what I want and need in a partner, and then some.  I'm terrified of losing that.  If Josh is stressed and seems a little more distant (I still can't figure out if it's just me thinking he's being distant or if he really is), I start to worry.  I've experienced these slight freak-outs in past relationships, but this time it's causing me to think about how I can curb them before they fester.  I'm trying to use them as an opportunity to just pray and lay it all at God's feet.  He ultimately has my future in His hands, and whether Josh is in it or not, He knows what's best for me.  This is hard for me to believe at times, but I've definitely seen how God's plan is always the best, which is a good reminder.  Josh has also gone through a lot of heartache with his divorce and we talked the other day about some of the fears he has with getting married again someday.  I'm hoping we can lean on each other to help us through the fears we both have, rather than letting them bother us.

In other news, I'm going to Kenya in a week!!  I will definitely write some posts about my trip when I get back!

Blown Away by Grace

It turns out patience pays off.  In my last post, I wrote about how I was trying to be patient with things with Josh.  A few days after I wrote that post, Josh and I went out on another date.  At the end of the date, I went to his place to hang out and we ended up having the "DTR" talk.  More on that in a minute.

Rewind a few days.  I had gone to the zoo with him and his girls about a week before and that outing left me very confused about what we were.  We had gone out a couple of times but he hadn't shown any outward interest, and then all of a sudden I was meeting his kids.  Well, it turns out that day was a "test" - a test to see how I fit in and how the girls acted around me and thought of me.  It could not have gone better.  The day felt fun and comfortable and he told me his girls (especially his youngest who is pretty shy around new people) were completely themselves around me.  It was also a pivotal day for me as well, which I didn't realize until afterwards.  Meeting his kids that he talked about so much and seeing him in "dad" mode calmed a lot of my fears and hesitations.  He's a great dad and I can see a lot of his amazing character when he's with his kids.  The fact that the day felt so comfortable and fun also made me realize that I want a family and am ready for a family...and I need to break down any expectations of how that might play out.

Okay...fast forward to the DTR date.  Josh told me that he invited me to meet his kids because they are his life and if he's with someone, it's important that she fit who they are as a family and that his kids are comfortable with her.  He said he saw a side of his youngest daughter at the zoo that only comes out when she's with family (never with people she doesn't know) and then on the drive home, she asked when I was coming back.  He said that day was so important for him and it confirmed that he wants to pursue a relationship with me.  I told him all about how I was hesitant at first about the fact that he has kids but how those fears were calmed after I met them at the zoo.  We talked into the wee hours of the morning (on a school night...oops!) and it was like a wall just crumbled between us.  As soon as we brought it all out in the open, there was no question anymore of how we each felt.

The last 3 weeks have been a whirlwind of late nights, hours of getting to know each other on a deeper level, and fun times with friends, family, and the girls.  It has been the best 3 weeks and things only keep getting better the more we get to know each other and the more the girls and I get to know each other.  I never want time with him to end.

In the last week or so, we've had the difficult but good talk about everything that happened in his divorce, struggles he's had in the past, and struggles I've had in the past.  If I hadn't already thought things just felt right between us, I certainly did after that conversation.  I'm just continually blown away at God's grace and perfect timing in each of our lives.  We would not have been good for each other even a year ago.  And not only that, but it is amazing how God is using things we've each struggled with to bring us closer to each other and relate to each other.  Darkness in my past is now turning out to be something God is using to bring life to our relationship.  I have no words for how amazed I am at how God works.

For so long, I didn't believe that there were any decent men out there that met my expectations and I didn't trust that God could provide the kind of man I truly longed for.  I kept hearing people tell me to be patient, that patience pays off in the end, and that God will provide in the way He sees is good for me and that it will be better than anything I can imagine.  Every time I heard something like that, I just rolled my eyes and said, "Yeah, yeah, I know."  I never really believed it to be true...until now.

A Lesson in Patience and Trust

As most of you know, I met a guy through a friend from church about 2 months ago.  We've been going out on casual dates and have spent a lot of time getting to know each other.  Here's a little backstory to refresh your memory...

In January, I got a phone call from my friend Rachel who told me she wanted to set me up with her friend Josh.  When I hear that phrase, I immediately think "no way", which is weird because people have never actually gone through with the set-ups, so I don't have any bad experiences to cause me to say no.  Anyway, to be polite, I said I was willing to meet him.  I then asked her to tell me about him.  She said he's 34, a graphic designer, runs the sound board at church (all sounded good so far...)...and he is divorced with 2 kids.  I already wasn't super thrilled with the idea, but now I find out he has kids??  No way...I'm not there in my life yet...not doing it.  I want kids someday, but the thought of dating a guy that already had kids was weird to me, and for some reason caused me to shut out the idea of anything working out.  Rachel is also divorced with a kid, so I didn't express my slight freak-out to her out loud, and again to be polite, I said sure.  A couple of days later, Rachel called me back and said that instead of setting up a blind date, she was going to invite both of us to her birthday party to meet in a more casual environment.  I felt much better about that idea, but still wasn't expecting anything.

I went to the birthday party, and after many attempts at introducing us (Rachel said she wasn't going to tell Josh she was wanting to set us up), we finally met.  He was cute and seemed really...normal.  We ended up sitting on the couch and talking for about 2 hours.  I walked away from the party feeling a little ashamed that I had shut him out in my mind when Rachel first told me about him.  This guy actually seemed pretty great...who was I to judge him based on his circumstances?  I decided that I needed to get to know him and his story before making any conclusions.

Since February, we've gone out on a couple of dates, gone to church, and have spent many hours chatting on the phone and Facebook.  The more I learn about Josh, the more I feel badly for the way I reacted when Rachel told me about him.  I realized that I don't feel as old as I am, and that I need to grow up and realize I'm an adult and this is real life.  Now that I'm closing in on my 30s, I've realized we all have a past and baggage from that past, but that doesn't necessarily define who we are now.  While I still don't know the whole story of his divorce, I've learned bits and pieces of what happened and have spent some time getting to know his character.  I've realized that divorce doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with someone, and coming from a divorced family I've actually been able to relate to him in that area.  I get it.  He's someone who has learned from his past, can see the good God brings out of the darkness, and has strived to be the best dad to his kids.  Something that I immediately thought was a flaw has now become something that makes me respect him all the more.

Because of his past and the fact that he has kids, Josh has taken things very slowly.  I often jumped into relationships with guys that I knew were wrong for me, and were ultimately guys that liked to jump into things quickly.  I learned to like that because it meant there wasn't really a question of whether they liked me.  I also have realized that I like to try to take control of situations in order to ensure things happen.  In past relationships, if I hadn't heard from the guy in the amount of time acceptable to me, I would find excuses to send texts, messages, or phone calls to make sure he hadn't forgotten about me.  I jumped in wholeheartedly with these guys because I feared they wouldn't like me otherwise.  I handled relationships horribly and it's no wonder I found my heart bruised and broken.

Things with Josh have been on a completely different level.  Because kids are involved, he has taken things pretty slowly...a lot slower than I'm used to.  While that has been hard at times, I'm learning a good lesson in patience.  And I'm actually finding it quite refreshing to take it at a slower pace.  I'm getting to know Josh really well, and that is driving my decision for whether I am interested in him or not, rather than just physical attraction being the driving force.  I am attracted to him, but a physical relationship isn't the foundation.  In the past, I was afraid to let things happen in God's timing.  I felt like I had to take control for things to happen.  I'm not completely sitting back and expecting everything to happen to me, but I'm not trying to force things to move quicker.  I respect that Josh is taking things slowly.  I still find myself dreaming about what could be, but being patient makes all the little things Josh does to initiate all that much more exciting.  Rather than worrying about if he's interested in me despite not holding my hand or calling me all the time, I'm enjoying the times we have together and trusting that God's timing and plan are perfect.  :)

Stronger

One thing I wanted to get back into this year was working out on a regular basis.  It's one of those things that I know I should be doing, but have never really been super excited about it.  I feel a little lost when I walk into a gym and end up just hopping on a bike or elliptical and going until the "calories burned" is an acceptable amount.  And then I go home and undo it all by eating M&Ms.  :P

So, at the end of January, I joined one of the local gyms in Waunakee.  As part of signing up, each new member gets a complimentary training session with one of the personal trainers.  I signed up for my session and thought nothing more of it.

I showed up to my training session not really knowing what to expect.  I met the trainer, Michael, who was nothing like Bob or Jillian on The Biggest Loser.  The workout was really hard and the entire time, I kept thinking I hated every minute of it.  Afterwards (well, the next day), I met with the "head trainer" and we talked through why I joined the gym, what goals I have for myself, and the reality of achieving those goals based on my current lifestyle.  It was very informative.  I never really thought I had a horribly unhealthy lifestyle (I didn't), but I quickly learned there were a couple things I could change to make a big difference (eating a bigger breakfast, eating little snacks more often to keep my metabolism going, etc.).  When it came to the part where I had to decide if I wanted to sign up for personal training, I had a hard time deciding (if you know me at all, you know this isn't a surprise :P).  It was expensive and I hated the workout the day before, but something inside of me liked the idea of investing in myself and the thought of someone helping me attain my goals that I felt like were not realistic on my own.  In the end, I decided to go for it.  I've never really invested in myself before...29 seemed like a good year to start. :)

I've been working with my trainer for a month now.  In the beginning, he had me run a mile, do sit ups for a minute, and do push ups for a minute.  Now that it's been a month, we did it again to see how far I've come.  I expected a little improvement, but I didn't expect the results I got.  I ran the mile almost a minute and a half faster (11:40 to 10:19), did 7 more sit ups, and did 15 more push ups.  And, I lost 4 lbs (1 lb/week which is what we're shooting for), which we discovered after measuring body fat percentage, was all fat.

I don't have a lot of weight to lose, but one of my goals was to "tone up", which in reality is losing weight.  While that goal is being worked on, I'm learning a lot more about myself through this.  At church, Pastor Chris talked about how effort put forth = results gained.  Little effort (in this case, he was referring to reading the Bible) results in little change.  Especially when life gets hard or busy, I put in little effort into things.  I kind of shut down and do the minimum to get by because it's tiring to think of doing more.  But, this program at my gym meant that I not only was going to have to work out regularly, I was going to have to make changes to my diet and schedule...and someone was going to hold me accountable.  I've learned that I can actually do it...and it's not that hard!  The thought of getting up 30 minutes earlier to actually cook and eat breakfast, versus just eating a granola bar in the car, was a horrendous thought...until I did it.  Getting up earlier and actually eating a good breakfast gives me so much more energy during the day, therefore making it easier to do each day!

Probably the biggest thing for me has been my perception of myself through all of this.  I remember blogging about this a few years ago (read here), but I've never considered myself athletic.  I've let other people tell me things that are ultimately untrue, but I've believed them and as a result, haven't ever let myself take the risk of trying to change that.  I believed these lies way back in middle school, which led me to never join a sport in high school, and to see myself as a sub-par frisbee player.  Early last fall, a few of us biked to New Glarus (about 20 miles one way) for a friend's birthday.  I love biking and was told the pace would be "no one left behind", so I thought I'd be able to survive it.  Well, 10 miles in, I found myself left behind by my friends.  When they took a break and I finally caught up, they'd take off again, leaving me in the dust.  I somehow made it to New Glarus, but I felt horrible.  Not only did my knees hurt more than they've ever hurt before, but my confidence was shaken and I felt horrible about myself.  It brought up so many feelings and thoughts I had grown up telling myself were true.  I wanted to just curl up in a ball in the corner and cry.  But this training program has done wonders for my mind and confidence.  Having someone tell you regularly that you're "rocking" all of the exercises given to you (which is partially his job, but I've seen him train other people, and he doesn't tell them that all the time) is encouraging.  I've even had people at the gym watch me while I'm training with Michael and they've said things like "Oh my gosh, if I tried that, I'd fall flat on my face!" or (from another trainer) "That's hardcore, man!"  They're talking about me!  I've never impressed anyone with something I can do...ever.  I've always felt like I was always a step behind other people...not fast enough, not strong enough, etc.  And now that I'm able to compare how I did exercises a month ago (more like struggle through them) to how I can do them now and feel strong when I do them, it only boosts my confidence more.  This seriously is probably one of the best things I could've done for myself...and I'm never looking back.

For the first time in my entire 29 years on this earth, I can say that I am strong, confident, and athletic.  And this is only after 1 month of this program...I can't wait to see what 6 months will bring. :)