As many of you know, I've been training for a 5K. Over the summer, Jenny (co-worker from Heritage) brought up the idea of doing a 5K in the fall, and without much thought, I said yes.
If you know me well enough, you know that I am not a runner. And you know that I do not make decisions easily. My mom used to get so annoyed with me as a kid because I could easily take 10 minutes to pick out a candy bar at the grocery store. But that's a different issue.
I do not have good memories of running in school. Whenever we had to do the mile run in P.E., I was always one of the last ones to finish. I was the one that made the entire class wait while I huffed and puffed around the track before we could go on with the rest of class. It was humiliating.
But, for some reason, I decided to take on this challenge. I'm not one to take challenges in my life. I like to stay within my comfort zone and keep life easy. But, I liked the idea of having something to work for while I'm unemployed. It makes me feel less like a complete bum. ;)
Anyway, Jenny told me about this "couch to 5K" training program. It's a 9 week program that uses alternating running and walking to work your way up to running 3 miles. I liked the idea of the program and it seemed like something I could actually have a shot at doing. So, in August, I started training.
So far, the training has been going well. I had to repeat a week because I went from running on a treadmill to running outside (it's so much harder to run outside!). As soon as I finally felt comfortable with where my schedule was at, it got much harder. Today, I went running with Holly after she got off work. I had to alternate walking 5 min. and running 8 min. The most I had run up to this point was 5 min. at a time, so 8 min. was a bit more challenging. Well, it turned out to be a lot more challenging. If it wasn't for Holly, I would've given up on myself. She was an awesome motivator and wouldn't let me quit. It was almost like being on The Biggest Loser and having my own personal Bob...except without the yelling. :)
At the end of my last 8 min. interval run, I couldn't breathe. As I was running, it felt like my throat was getting smaller and it was getting hard to breathe. Once I stopped running, I tried to catch my breath, but it was hard to take deep enough breaths. I started hyperventilating and crying. I've never not been able to breathe, so I freaked out. Luckily, I had Holly with me and she helped me calm down and catch my breath. I finally caught my breath, but I felt so embarrassed. We were on a trail just outside of the UW-Madison campus, so there were a ton of students out for afternoon runs. I felt so stupid. Who cries after running?? (Kind of like a "there's no crying in baseball!" moment...except insert running.) Holly reassured me that I wasn't stupid and she told me repeatedly how proud she was of me for not giving up on my running. She's such a rockstar friend. :)
I definitely don't give myself enough credit. I compare myself to other people and then beat myself up when I don't match up. I'm glad I was able to finish my run today, but I felt like a wimp because I could barely get through it and so many other people can do things like run marathons.
In the spring of sixth grade, I decided to sign up for the baseball team. I had just moved to Wisconsin in the winter, but I knew I loved baseball (surprised? :P), so I signed up. I ended up being the only girl on the team. Before practices even started, the boys at school made fun of me for joining. They said things like "You're a girl...can you even hit the ball??" I quit before the season started. I let myself believe what they said was true. In my mind, I thought, "I don't have any experience playing baseball...of course I'm going to suck." But, I will never know if that was true because I didn't give myself a chance. I quit and didn't play a sport until I joined a frisbee team...12 years later. I let those stupid middle school boys dictate the rest of my school-age years. Ever since then, I've let myself believe that I won't succeed in something like sports. So, now, when my running gets hard, my mind immediately starts thinking, "You can't do this. This is too hard. You're not athletic...why would you convince yourself you could even try to run this much? You're not as skinny as that girl that just passed you...you don't stand a chance..."
It's so hard to keep going when that's all that goes through my head. But, I want to prove myself wrong. I want to prove those stupid middle school boys wrong. I may not be the fittest or the skinniest or the fastest, but I have the potential to do this. I have Jesus on my side and I can do all things through Him who gives me strength. That needs to be my motivator. HE needs to be my motivator (although, Holly's a great one too!).
No comments:
Post a Comment