Never let go

Well, all schools are officially underway. Most public schools started on Sept. 1 and Heritage started on Sept. 9. Which means I officially am stuck with subbing for now. Which is fine - I figured that's what would happen - but schools starting means my chances of landing a full-time teaching job are over until next school year.

Both first days of school were hard days for me. It's hard for me to read Facebook status updates of my friends that are teachers about their first days of school. It's hard for me to realize that I had a full-time job, but now I'm back to where I started. I thought my job searching days were over last year. I thought I'd get to teach full-time at Heritage for as long as I wanted, or as long as I felt like it was the place for me.

I think one of the hardest things for me is the fact that I have sooo many ideas of how I want to do things differently or things I want to try in the classroom. I get so excited about new teaching ideas and it just sucks that I can't use them.

It's interesting that despite how hard of a year I had last year, I still am anxious to teach. There were many bad things about last year, but as I think back on last year, the good things outweigh the bad in my mind. Instead of being weighed down by the negative, I realize that there are things I would do differently and I'm anxious to try them out and attempt to further "perfect" my teaching.

Yesterday in church, we sang the song "Never Let Go".

"I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to this trouble but until that day comes
Still I will praise you, still I will praise you Lord

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, you never let go of me"

It's so easy for me to want to give up on the idea of me getting a full-time teaching job. And it's so easy for me to not want to have a heart of praise. But, my feelings and circumstances don't change God's goodness. The fact that things aren't going the way I want them doesn't mean that God isn't doing something good in my life. I've been able to use this time off to do lots of things I normally wouldn't do (like train for a 5K, what??) and bless people I care about.

It was comforting to be reminded yesterday that God will never let go of me. Never. Sometimes it feels like He is more distant. It's easy to feel that way when things aren't going the way I'd like. But, He's still holding my hand through this. It makes me think of a little kid holding his dad's hand. When they're walking down a sidewalk alone, it's easy for the kid to hold on to his dad's hand. But, in a large crowd, it's hard to hold on. But that dad will never let go of his child's hand...he actually will hold onto it harder to help lead the child through the crowd. God is the same way. He's holding my hand through the crowd. He doesn't want to lose me as I go through this time of my life where I can't see what's ahead. That's comforting. Things will turn out okay in the end. :)