I went to visit Heritage today. It was so great to see my old coworkers. Most of them I've seen recently...some of the them I see regularly. Either way, it was still great to say hi to everyone.

Then I saw my old kiddos. Well, those that are still at the school. They are such fun kids. They drove me crazy last year...but they're fun. They were super excited to see me and were all curious about what I'm doing now. One girl even asked if I was going to come back and teach there again. I couldn't believe how big they'd all grown! Some of them are close to my height...crazy.

One of my little gems of course had such funny things to say while I was there:

"Miss Hansen, you will always be part of the HCS heart."

"Do you still have my mom's email address? You should email her and we should go to the mall some weekend."

They will hold a special place in my heart. But I am very happy in the place I'm at now. :)

The official results for my 5k were posted. I came in 112th place (15th in my age group for females) and finished in 36 minutes and 48 seconds. I averaged an 11 minute 50 second mile.

I'm proud of myself for finishing a 5k at all...but I know I can do it faster. Bring it on! :)

Kindergartenism #14:
Carson: "What is glue made out of?" (referring to a gluestick)
Me: "That's a great question. I have no idea."
Carson: "I think it's made out of marshmallow."
Me: "Marshmallow?? Then we'd be able to eat it!"
Grant: "Maybe we should Google it. Google knows everything, you know." (Google was pronounced "googowe" because he can't say his L's.)
Me: "Yeah, that would be a good idea."
Kelsey: "Yeah, Google knows everything! One time my dad Googled the mysteries of macaroni and cheese!"

Tomorrow is our Halloween (technically "fall") costume party. I'm dressing up as a cowgirl. It will be chaotic and fun all at the same time. :)

Tonight I had bible study. We're studying 1 John. Tonight we (the girls...we split up into separate groups) talked about love. God's love for us. Our love for other people. How we receive (or maybe don't) love from others. Basically, we realized together that we ALL want to feel and be loved by others. By God. By friends. By family. And of course...by guys. It was one of the best bible studies because we all connected on a heart level. We're all going through (or have been through) the same feelings and have the same wants and needs. And we talked about how we can be there for each other in the ways that we all need. I decided to be vulnerable and share how I get anxious that I will lose people's love or feel like I don't deserve to be loved by others. And I found out...I'm not alone. Almost everyone said they've been there or are there. I'm not just some weirdo with crazy issues. It's something a lot of women struggle with and it was reassuring to realize that. I'm excited to see the ways God is going to work through this group, particularly the women. I'm really enjoying getting to know them better and feeling like I am gaining a solid group of people to connect with and lean on.

God is so good and faithful. :)

Kindergartenism #13:
I was pulling small groups of kids into the hall to read with me.
"Oh Miss Hansen, I thought you were Mrs. Mabie" (our other kindergarten assistant)
"Nope, it's just me."
"You look a lot like her. Except she has a lot more wrinkles on her face."

So, I did it. Today I did my first 5k. I was so nervous leading up to it. I trained pretty hard for it this summer but once I started my new job, my training tapered off to about once a week. So I didn't end up running quite as much as I would've liked (or probably could've about a month ago), but I still ran about half of it while walking every few minutes. Someone decided to put a hill at the end of the race, so when I got to it, I knew the end was just around the corner and I sprinted up the hill. Bad idea. Once I got to the top of the hill and turned the corner, I lost all of my energy. I wanted to sprint across the finish line, but I literally felt like I had used every ounce of energy left in my body and I suddenly felt like I was going to throw up. But I couldn't stop...there was no way I was going to walk across the finish line. I jogged across the finish line at about 36 minutes and 30 seconds. They didn't display the time with seconds and I forgot to stop my watch at the end, so my time is approximate until they post the times online. But I did it. I'm pretty happy with my time. I can't believe I did something like this in the first place, so I'm not going to complain! I did the 5k with Jenny and Lindsey (friends from Heritage), which was great. It was so nice to have friends to encourage and celebrate with. We all want to join a gym together to keep up with our running and then do another 5k in April. Crazy!

I finally feel like I have a life here. My weeks are filled with bible study and Impact (my church's 20s-30s group) and other events that go with that. I also hang out with Jenny and/or Lindsey almost every week. It's great to have people to connect with here. People I can get to know and hang out with at church. People I can just call up and hang out with. And I'm finding that most of the people I've met here are in the same stage of life as me...out of college, single, and just looking for people to connect with. It's nice to not feel alone here anymore. :)

Kindergartenism #11:
Nora: "Mrs. Salmon, look what I made!"
(Can't say I've ever been called that before!)

Kindergartenism #12:
Aidan (while figuring out a math problem about our principal Mr. Nemoir): "Mr. Nemoir is the president. The president of the school."

Kindergartenism #9:
Kelsey (while on our walk to the public library): "Ooh that house is on sale!"

Kindergartenism #10:
Kelsey (when she found a ginko leaf on the ground): "Ginko leaf ahoy! Haha, I crack myself up!"

Kindergartenism #7:
Me: "Hi Josie! How was your weekend? What did you do?"
Josie: "We went to Mexico."
Me: "Mexico? The country? Did you drive?"
Josie: "Yes, we drove."
Me: "How long did it take you?"
Josie: "200."
Me: "200 minutes? 200 hours? 200 days?"
Josie: "200 hours."
Me: "Wow, that's a long trip!"

Kindergartenism #8:
Raziel (while looking at a book of Goldilocks and the Three Bears): "I know why they call her Goldilocks."
Me: "Why?"
Raziel: "Because she keeps unlocking houses and going in them!"

So I found out today that one of our new little kiddos' moms was on the news yesterday because of child neglect. We had been informed that her mom was not allowed to pick her up from school, but we didn't really know the whole story. Now we do. It's really sad. Here's the story: http://www.todaystmj4.com/news/local/64160417.html

Last weekend I went to Miranda's grandma's farm about an hour west of Madison. We went because Holly's sister Heather was in town from Indy, so we thought it would be a fun thing to do since she's been to Madison a couple of times before. It was a great fall weekend. We took walks with all the dogs through the cornfields, went to the apple orchard and bought apples, visited Miranda's aunt and uncle's house and played with all her cousins' kids, saw cows (Heather let the calves suck her fingers! I wasn't so into that...), went to church with the family, and ate LOTS of good homecooked meals! It was a great time. I love those girls so much. :)

On Monday, I had coffee with Annie and then went to my new Bible study. My coffee date was so good. It was great to catch up with her. Annie was one of my former 3rd grade co-workers at Heritage, so we often went to each other to vent and we became pretty good friends. She told me a little about what the school is going through and her struggles this year. I'm sad to hear the school is still having a hard time, but I'm thankful that God had another plan for me. I've realized that my year there was meant for me to build relationships. Yes, it gave me experience which helps too, but when looking back, I've realized that the friendships I made there are the biggest things I took away from it. Now, I have a great job that I love and I have time to invest in the friendships I made at Heritage.

I've really enjoyed the new Bible study I started going to. It's much bigger, but I feel like the people there are a better fit for me. There are a ton of women that are really involved and that I connect with. I counted last Monday and found out there are now 9 teachers in my Bible study of 20-25! That alone is a great connecting point for me. So, it's been fun getting to know some of them. Tonight, I'm going to Impact, my church's 20's group meeting (same as Access for those of you in Madison). I didn't go regularly last year because I didn't have time at night to do anything other than schoolwork. Now that I have time at night and have met some Impact people through my Bible study, I thought I'd give it a try tonight and see how it goes!

Kindergartenism #5:
"If you see a house with a pumpkin outside, it's mine."

Kindergartenism #6:
Logan (while walking through the woods on our field trip): "I want to leave. I'm scared. Are there any gorillas?"
Me: "No Logan, gorillas don't live in Wisconsin."
Logan: "Are there lions and tigers?"
Me: "No."
Logan: "Are there monkeys?"
Me: "No Logan."
Logan: "Is there quicksand?"
Me: "No Logan, you don't need to be scared. If we see an animal, I will protect you."


Kindergarten is going really well. I love working with these kids. They are so precious. I love teaching many grade levels, but there's something about kindergarten that is so fun and exciting.

We have a couple of kiddos that have pretty tough home lives. One of the teachers had to contact social services because a student showed up to school with a burn mark apparently from his brother holding his finger to a lighter while the mom slept through everything. One of our new kids was absent from school for 2 days because her mom apparently ran off with her. I can't believe some kids live like this. We wonder why kids these days have so many problems. It makes me happy that there are good schools for kids to go to and feel safe and loved in. The student that we called social services about hugged me today and told me he loved me (he is a very angry child, so that's a pretty rare moment). I wonder how many times he's heard that at home. After meeting his mom today, I can't imagine many. I just can't imagine having a child and not raising him/her in the best possible environment.

Last weekend, I went to Appleton to visit Miranda and see Holly. It was really fun. We spent the day on Saturday in Door County going to a few different state parks, doing some wine tasting, checking out some shops and markets, and lastly going to a fish boil (Yes, I ate fish that wasn't fried!). It was the first time I'd seen both of them since coming back to Milwaukee...which had only been 2 weeks, but it felt much longer. :)

Although the weekend was really fun, I left with a fear that I've felt in the past after moving...

"out of sight, out of mind"

I know in my head that's not true with my friends, but sometimes I feel like it. I feel like (or should I say I fear?) if I don't make an initiative with people, I won't hear from anyone. Or, I feel just plain out of the loop. I hate feeling left out. I know that's a natural part of living in another place, but I feel like I'm the only one left out of the loop sometimes. There were many times this weekend where I had no clue about something happening in someone's life.

I have a deep need to feel loved and sometimes it just manifests itself in anxiety or fear. Fearing that people might stop loving me or that people will/do see something in me that they don't like. I hate it. I hate feeling like I have problems and can't just enjoy what I have with my friends. I really am blessed with amazing friends, and yet I still dwell on these fears at times rather than feeling thankful for what (and who) I do have.

So, now I question why I feel this way. Do I need to initiate more with people? I feel like I do a good job of calling or communicating with friends that live out-of-town. But if I'm feeling like this, is it my fault? Am I selfish and just expecting others to communicate with me? How much of this is fear and anxiety, and how much of this might be truth? I have no idea how to answer those questions.

If you feel like you can offer any insight from the perspective of one of my friends, please don't hesitate to share. :)

As Carson is playing with magnetic words at playtime:

Carson: "Where is an 's'?"
Me: "What sentence did you make?"
Carson: "I want hot girl"

On Monday, we have 2 new kinders starting at our school. That brings each class to a whopping 26 students!! Insane. Due to such large classes and the amount of new assessments this year (over 5 per student 3 times a year!), the school is trying to decide if they should hire another full-time assistant or make me a third full-time kindergarten teacher. Yikes! It would be kind of hard on the kiddos who have to switch and some parents would be in an uproar if they make a third class. However, it would bring each class down to 17 or 18...a NORMAL kindergarten class size. My life could dramatically change very soon...

I'm off to Appleton to hang with Miranda and Holly! I'm SO excited. It's only been a couple of weeks since I've seen them, but I haven't talked to them much and I just miss them terribly. We were supposed to run in a 5K tomorrow morning, but it was cancelled due to a low number of participants. So, I think all we have planned is going to Door County tomorrow. :) Should be fun!