Last weekend, I went to Appleton to visit Miranda and see Holly. It was really fun. We spent the day on Saturday in Door County going to a few different state parks, doing some wine tasting, checking out some shops and markets, and lastly going to a fish boil (Yes, I ate fish that wasn't fried!). It was the first time I'd seen both of them since coming back to Milwaukee...which had only been 2 weeks, but it felt much longer. :)

Although the weekend was really fun, I left with a fear that I've felt in the past after moving...

"out of sight, out of mind"

I know in my head that's not true with my friends, but sometimes I feel like it. I feel like (or should I say I fear?) if I don't make an initiative with people, I won't hear from anyone. Or, I feel just plain out of the loop. I hate feeling left out. I know that's a natural part of living in another place, but I feel like I'm the only one left out of the loop sometimes. There were many times this weekend where I had no clue about something happening in someone's life.

I have a deep need to feel loved and sometimes it just manifests itself in anxiety or fear. Fearing that people might stop loving me or that people will/do see something in me that they don't like. I hate it. I hate feeling like I have problems and can't just enjoy what I have with my friends. I really am blessed with amazing friends, and yet I still dwell on these fears at times rather than feeling thankful for what (and who) I do have.

So, now I question why I feel this way. Do I need to initiate more with people? I feel like I do a good job of calling or communicating with friends that live out-of-town. But if I'm feeling like this, is it my fault? Am I selfish and just expecting others to communicate with me? How much of this is fear and anxiety, and how much of this might be truth? I have no idea how to answer those questions.

If you feel like you can offer any insight from the perspective of one of my friends, please don't hesitate to share. :)