Well, it's official...I again am going into another summer without a job for the fall.  I found out from my principal they chose the other candidate about 2 weeks ago, and even though I knew it was a possibility, it was devastating news.  If you know me well, you know that I don't cry often.  I especially don't cry when I'm given time to process something coming (like when I had time to process my great aunt dying for about a month before it happened).  But when I found out I wasn't coming back to Brooklyn, I bawled.  Well, I waited to bawl until after I left my principal's office.  But I just sat in the teacher's workroom with my coworkers and cried.

I've worked at my fair share of schools, and never have I cried about leaving one of them.  I've loved every school I've worked at, but leaving Brooklyn is by far the hardest.  There's something special about that school.  Right from the start, I felt like it was a God thing that I got hired there.  The principal believed in me right from my interview, even though I felt like my interview there was the same as every other interview I've had at other schools.  She saw the skills I knew I had and didn't just judge me based on my computer application or my age.  Instead of seeing me as someone with only one year of full-time classroom experience, she saw each of my previous jobs as experience.  I felt welcomed and a part of the Brooklyn community right away.  The teachers were so great with including me, wanting to get to know me, and supporting me right from the start.  I've never worked in a school with hardly any drama and just a sense of calmness as you walk through the halls.  It's an incredible school and my heart hurts just thinking about not being there anymore.

But, this stage of life isn't new for me anymore.  I go through this every year, and sure enough, every year God works things out.  In the moment it isn't what I want, but at the end of every year I can look back and see exactly why God put me into each job I've had thus far.  So, when I heard that I might not have a job again next year, I felt like I was being put to the test.  It's like God was thinking "Let's see how she handles it this time."  Usually, I have my freak out moment (or moments) where I whine or complain that all I want to do is teach and I sit and wish life were different.  This year was a little different with how I lost my job so I went through an angry period.  Not at God, but at the administrators behind it all, making the decision about my job when they hardly know me.  But I haven't had a freak out moment yet.  I feel relatively calm about things.  People have even commented on how well I'm taking things.  Yes I'm upset/sad I can't stay at Brooklyn, yes I think I was judged unfairly, but for the last 5 years God has worked everything out.  And not only that, but He's worked it all out so that I am completely prepared for each new job I come along.  There's no doubt that my job this year has built me up even more as a teacher.  I can only be grateful for the time I had at Brooklyn and look forward to what God has planned for me next.

I've learned a few things from this whole process:

1.  I am so loved and supported!  I knew this before because I get a lot of that love and support each time I lose my job, but this year has been different.  I had teachers at school give me flowers, cry, and get really angry when they found out I wasn't returning.  Not only that, but it has driven some teachers and parents to actually write letters and say something to administration about how upset they are that I'm leaving.  All because of me leaving...just me.  It's one thing to just be upset, but it's a whole other thing to take action, especially those that are still employees in the district.  This has happened to other teachers in the past, but no one responded the way they have with me.  It's been so encouraging!

2.  I really am a good teacher.  I mean, I always believed that about myself, but it's easy to think that it's just your own belief until you hear it from others.  I've heard it from other teachers I've worked with in the past, but when you don't get hired time after time, it's easy to waver from that belief.  Even though the higher up administrators didn't think I was skilled enough, every other person in my school told me time and again how great of a teacher I am.  I remember hearing that even within the first couple weeks of school from the reading teacher next door to me...someone who hardly knew me just came up to me one day and told me how great of a teacher I am merely from listening to me from next door.  Of course there are still things I can work on to get better, but for my age and for only having 2 years of full-time classroom experience, I'm pretty darn good.  :)  The administrators are the ones that are losing out on a great teacher and it was their choice to ignore all the things my principal told them about me.  They are the ones with the issues, not me.

3.  It's okay to be sad, upset, or angry.  At first, I was angry at the administrators.  I thought angry thoughts about them and sometimes even expressed them to my friends or family.  But then I felt a little guilty for being angry at the administrators putting me through this.  I realized that being angry at the people behind this isn't going to do anything except harbor unkind thoughts in me, but I realized it's okay to feel angry at a situation when you feel like you're (or someone else) being treated unfairly.  Human nature makes us want things to be fair.  If we didn't feel anger or sadness for unfair things, we would always sit back and just let the unjustness in the world pass us by.  It's those strong feelings that make us want to do something.  While I can't really do much from my position to change things, other people are being called into action.  And while I don't think it will affect my job situation, it's good to know that other people might be saved from unjustly being let go in the future.  And rather than let the administrators' feelings about me get me down, I'm that much more determined to find a new job and be that much better at it.

Thanks to those of you who still read this (all 3 of you! :P) for your support and encouragement.  I feel truly blessed to have so many people pulling and praying for me.  :)