I wasn't sure what this meeting was about, but I didn't really expect what happened. Leading up to today, I had an uneasy feeling about it (I hated the unknown!) and even had 2 bad dreams about it. Looking back, I now know why. I found out today that they eliminated my position and are letting me go. Yes, after telling me in June that I was being offered my position for next year. I'm guessing they just wanted to cover their bases just in case they were going to need extra help...it's much easier to fire people than to hire new people.
If I want to stay in the district, I have 2 options: 1) be put into the sub pool and attempt to get a long-term sub job aside from daily subbing, or 2) apply and (hopefully) interview for one of three literacy aide positions. Two of these positions travels between two or three different schools (Lincoln is one of them, I believe...at least it was last year) and one will permanently be at one school. A literacy aide basically works one-on-one or in small groups with students that struggle with reading or phonics.
I told the HR director that I hope to be a classroom teacher someday and asked his advice as to what route I should take. He told me that the literacy aide position would probably be better because it's a steadier position (and includes benefits) and shows that I would be dedicated to helping struggling students. However, a long-term sub job would be good to land as well because it would allow me to make connections in other schools (reference-wise) and it would give me good experience teaching in a classroom on my own. I told the HR director to put my name in for both of those options. Additionally, I spent about an hour today applying for openings in other districts (full-time classroom teaching and long-term subbing).
Part of me isn't surprised this ended up happening. I kind of felt like keeping my aide job for a second year was too good to be true. And, let's face it, this has become the pattern of my life in the "real-world."
I am beyond frustrated right now. I'm sure God is using all of these experiences to better me in some way (patience, perhaps??), but seriously, c'mon!!! I have such a passion for teaching and I feel like it's the only thing I want to do with my life...it's just about all I've ever wanted to do since 4th grade. Why can't I just do what I love???? Seriously, what normal person gets excited about school supplies at Target and could spend hours at the Learning Shop? I don't understand.
I want to believe that God faithful and things will work out. I go through this every summer...and something always ends up working out somehow. But, when am I ever going to catch a break?! Why do I have to suffer through this every single year? I feel like I'm in the movie Groundhog Day. I get it God...You're in control. What else am I supposed to do? Am I being punished for something? Is my faith lacking? I feel like things can't be going well in my life for too long before God brings something crashing down. I know I don't have it as bad as many people in the world, but that's just how it feels right now.
I just wish I understood...
