As most of you know, I met a guy through a friend from church about 2 months ago. We've been going out on casual dates and have spent a lot of time getting to know each other. Here's a little backstory to refresh your memory...
In January, I got a phone call from my friend Rachel who told me she wanted to set me up with her friend Josh. When I hear that phrase, I immediately think "no way", which is weird because people have never actually gone through with the set-ups, so I don't have any bad experiences to cause me to say no. Anyway, to be polite, I said I was willing to meet him. I then asked her to tell me about him. She said he's 34, a graphic designer, runs the sound board at church (all sounded good so far...)...and he is divorced with 2 kids. I already wasn't super thrilled with the idea, but now I find out he has kids?? No way...I'm not there in my life yet...not doing it. I want kids someday, but the thought of dating a guy that already had kids was weird to me, and for some reason caused me to shut out the idea of anything working out. Rachel is also divorced with a kid, so I didn't express my slight freak-out to her out loud, and again to be polite, I said sure. A couple of days later, Rachel called me back and said that instead of setting up a blind date, she was going to invite both of us to her birthday party to meet in a more casual environment. I felt much better about that idea, but still wasn't expecting anything.
I went to the birthday party, and after many attempts at introducing us (Rachel said she wasn't going to tell Josh she was wanting to set us up), we finally met. He was cute and seemed really...normal. We ended up sitting on the couch and talking for about 2 hours. I walked away from the party feeling a little ashamed that I had shut him out in my mind when Rachel first told me about him. This guy actually seemed pretty great...who was I to judge him based on his circumstances? I decided that I needed to get to know him and his story before making any conclusions.
Since February, we've gone out on a couple of dates, gone to church, and have spent many hours chatting on the phone and Facebook. The more I learn about Josh, the more I feel badly for the way I reacted when Rachel told me about him. I realized that I don't feel as old as I am, and that I need to grow up and realize I'm an adult and this is real life. Now that I'm closing in on my 30s, I've realized we all have a past and baggage from that past, but that doesn't necessarily define who we are now. While I still don't know the whole story of his divorce, I've learned bits and pieces of what happened and have spent some time getting to know his character. I've realized that divorce doesn't automatically mean there's something wrong with someone, and coming from a divorced family I've actually been able to relate to him in that area. I get it. He's someone who has learned from his past, can see the good God brings out of the darkness, and has strived to be the best dad to his kids. Something that I immediately thought was a flaw has now become something that makes me respect him all the more.
Because of his past and the fact that he has kids, Josh has taken things very slowly. I often jumped into relationships with guys that I knew were wrong for me, and were ultimately guys that liked to jump into things quickly. I learned to like that because it meant there wasn't really a question of whether they liked me. I also have realized that I like to try to take control of situations in order to ensure things happen. In past relationships, if I hadn't heard from the guy in the amount of time acceptable to me, I would find excuses to send texts, messages, or phone calls to make sure he hadn't forgotten about me. I jumped in wholeheartedly with these guys because I feared they wouldn't like me otherwise. I handled relationships horribly and it's no wonder I found my heart bruised and broken.
Things with Josh have been on a completely different level. Because kids are involved, he has taken things pretty slowly...a lot slower than I'm used to. While that has been hard at times, I'm learning a good lesson in patience. And I'm actually finding it quite refreshing to take it at a slower pace. I'm getting to know Josh really well, and that is driving my decision for whether I am interested in him or not, rather than just physical attraction being the driving force. I am attracted to him, but a physical relationship isn't the foundation. In the past, I was afraid to let things happen in God's timing. I felt like I had to take control for things to happen. I'm not completely sitting back and expecting everything to happen to me, but I'm not trying to force things to move quicker. I respect that Josh is taking things slowly. I still find myself dreaming about what could be, but being patient makes all the little things Josh does to initiate all that much more exciting. Rather than worrying about if he's interested in me despite not holding my hand or calling me all the time, I'm enjoying the times we have together and trusting that God's timing and plan are perfect. :)
