in a funk...

I spent Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. Every year, we switch off celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas at my grandparent's house in Rochester, Minnesota. This year, we had fun as always, but had a few minor glitches. My cousin Patrick got the stomach flu on Thanksgiving Day, so we had to deal with a puking 6-year old all day. Poor kid. This year, we tried cooking the turkey in a roaster instead of the oven. My mom ended up putting the turkey in the roaster upside-down, so it didn't look too pretty when it was finished. The meat was juicy though!

My family also decided to attempt to brave Black Friday this year for the first time. We all got up around 4 am and fought the crowds at Toys R Us and Target. I'm not sure if it was worth it yet. It was kind of fun to get up early and go shopping, but we got a little crabby with each other and I was just exhausted all day.

I enjoyed seeing my family this week. It's always fun to see my little cousins and my aunts and uncles. But for some reason, I was super crabby. Especially yesterday...getting up at 4 am didn't help that. I felt like I was the butt of many jokes this week. I can handle being joked about every now and then. I'm usually pretty laid back about that and feel like I can let it roll off my back and laugh along. But for some reason, it kept getting to me this week. I'm sure most of them were said all in fun, but they started to accumulate and pile up on me. It felt like I was being joked about by some people more than just being talked to. Granted, many of the jokes came from my brother and sister - whose job it is to give me a hard time - but they didn't harass each other in return...it was all directed at me. According to my sister, it's just so easy to make fun of me. I'm glad I give my family so many things to joke about and entertain themselves with.

Maybe I'm just feeling more sensitive lately. Or maybe I'm PMSing early. Whatever it was, I just couldn't shake it. Comments like "I know what Mom wants the most for Christmas this year...you to move out!" just make me feel hurt and unloved. My brother lived at home for almost a year when he failed out of his program in college and my sister lives at home now. Yet, I'm the one who's being told my mom can't wait until I leave. Ouch.

So, in response to all this, I became super cranky. I was very short with my family and stayed pretty quiet the rest of the day. If they talked to me, I was quick to bite off their heads. Not the best way to handle it, I know. Looking back, I feel bad for reacting that way. But I was hurt (and very tired).

I feel like I'm in a weird funk. Usually this time of year gets me super excited and I go all out. I start listening to Christmas music the minute we're done with Thanksgiving and pull out all my Christmas movies. I'm not at all excited right now. Instead, all I feel like doing is laying around and doing nothing productive. Now I'm finding myself feeling extra sensitive or cranky about things. I know I need to spend time with the Lord and just lay everything at His feet...but I have no motivation or desire. I told a couple people in my bible study last week that I've been learning a lot of great things at church and in bible study, but I haven't applied any of it. I've been filling my head but my heart is stagnant.

I hate feeling this way, but I need to be proactive about getting out my funk instead of letting it get the best of me. Not always easy, but I need to trust that God will help me through.

Kindergartenism #19:
Logan: "I have a volcano at home. It's a pretend one."
Me: "Wow. Does it shoot out lava?"
Logan: "Yeah! It has real lava!"

Kindergartenism #20:
(While reading a book that mentions a boy and his grandpa entering to win $10 million)
Me: "Can you imagine winning that much money? There are a lot of things you could do with that!"
Mason: "I could buy 14 new lego sets!!"

Kindergartenism #18:
During a reading group on a book about a train trip...
Me: "Have any of you ever ridden on a train?"
Josh: "I have!"
Me: "Where did you go?"
Josh: "I rode on the Polar Express."
(The kids start laughing)
Me: "Let's let Josh finish his story. What else do you want to tell us about it, Josh?"
Josh: "Well...you know...there's not much else to tell."

Not much has been new lately. I recently joined a gym with Jenny and Lindsey, which has been fun. I prefer running indoors on a treadmill than outside. I know, I'm probably crazy for thinking that. But it's easier for me. I'd rather be able to distract myself with a TV screen and music on my iPod.

As I continue to get involved with Impact (the 20's group at my church), it's been easier for me to get distracted by guys. By this, I mean that I find myself scoping them out and thinking about which ones I think are cute or whatever. Usually, I am okay with being single and it's not something that distracts me too much. Granted, I don't enjoy being single, but I've been trying to focus on building relationships with the women in my life rather than worry about finding a boy. But, as I meet more people, it's hard to keep that focus sometimes. It's so frustrating...I meet a guy that I think is cool or attractive and BAM...he's married or has a girlfriend. Many times, I find that most of the guys that are single are the socially awkward ones. And, of course, they're also the ones that aren't afraid to talk to you or even try to ask you out. When I do happen to meet a guy that is single and not awkward, I immediately feel like I'm invisible. I start thinking that I don't have enough to offer, or so-and-so is prettier, or that I'm not exciting enough. I don't want church or Impact to be focused around boys, and I don't want to think these thoughts of myself because I know they're not true (although they feel true sometimes), but that's not always the case. I've been lucky enough to find some good friends at church that are also single, so that helps. I know things will happen according to the Lord's plan for me...and that plan is so much better than I can make it. I just need to remind myself of that...daily.

Kindergartenism #17:
Nathan: "My grandma lives 100 million billion miles away!"
Me: "Wow that's far! Where does she live?"
Nathan: "Georgia."

So recently, I've become addicted to the game Word Twist on Facebook. It's exactly like Text Twist, if you've ever heard of/played it online. I've been mostly facing against Holly, who is crazy good at it. Partially why I'm so addicted because I am determined to beat her. But out of hundreds of games (okay, so maybe not quite hundreds), I've only won once. My day will come again.

My friend Lindsey and I have been looking at apartments lately. On Sunday, we drove around for a couple hours and called a bunch of places. We saw a place last night and we're looking at another one tomorrow night. Although I'm enjoying not paying rent right now, I'm excited to have my own place again.

Kindergartenism #15:
Me (while sitting with the kids in the house area): "Raziel, are you a soccer player?"
Raziel: "Yes. I'm a teenager."
Ashton (dressed up in a man's dress coat): "I'm the dad." (calls to the other kids in the house area) "Who wants to date me?"

Kindergartenism #16:
Jack: " I have a girlfriend."
Me: "You have a girlfriend?? Aren't you a little young to have a girlfriend?"
Jack: "No. She's older than me."

I went to Madison this past weekend for a Halloween party. Oh yeah, and to see my rockstar friends. :) It's so ironic that I spent Halloween in Madison. When I was a college student, I came home just about every Halloween weekend to escape the madness. I HATED Halloween when I was in college. But, this weekend I wasn't staying anywhere near campus and the party was hosted by someone from church, so I figured it would be a safe bet.

I had so much fun. I drove up Friday afternoon and picked Holly up from work. We went to the grocery store and then she made an AMAZING dinner for us. Spinach lasagna, Caesar salad, vanilla muffins, and a strawberry angel food cake dessert. So good. We played a little Settlers and watched Harry Potter 5 (woohoo!). On Saturday, Jennifer and I went and saw "Where the Wild Things Are"...fun movie! On Saturday night, I totally convinced (maybe guilt tripped is a better phrase) Holly to come with us to the party. She hates parties and didn't want to go, but was already feeling bored by the time we started to get ready. We had just watched Step Up 2, so using some inspiration from the movie, she put together a thug costume (or K. Fed as some people liked to call her). She really got into her costume and danced the whole night. We enjoyed looking ridiculous and convincing other people to look ridiculous with us. :P

Aside from the terrible Packer game, it was a great weekend. :)