I spent Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family. Every year, we switch off celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas at my grandparent's house in Rochester, Minnesota. This year, we had fun as always, but had a few minor glitches. My cousin Patrick got the stomach flu on Thanksgiving Day, so we had to deal with a puking 6-year old all day. Poor kid. This year, we tried cooking the turkey in a roaster instead of the oven. My mom ended up putting the turkey in the roaster upside-down, so it didn't look too pretty when it was finished. The meat was juicy though!
My family also decided to attempt to brave Black Friday this year for the first time. We all got up around 4 am and fought the crowds at Toys R Us and Target. I'm not sure if it was worth it yet. It was kind of fun to get up early and go shopping, but we got a little crabby with each other and I was just exhausted all day.
I enjoyed seeing my family this week. It's always fun to see my little cousins and my aunts and uncles. But for some reason, I was super crabby. Especially yesterday...getting up at 4 am didn't help that. I felt like I was the butt of many jokes this week. I can handle being joked about every now and then. I'm usually pretty laid back about that and feel like I can let it roll off my back and laugh along. But for some reason, it kept getting to me this week. I'm sure most of them were said all in fun, but they started to accumulate and pile up on me. It felt like I was being joked about by some people more than just being talked to. Granted, many of the jokes came from my brother and sister - whose job it is to give me a hard time - but they didn't harass each other in return...it was all directed at me. According to my sister, it's just so easy to make fun of me. I'm glad I give my family so many things to joke about and entertain themselves with.
Maybe I'm just feeling more sensitive lately. Or maybe I'm PMSing early. Whatever it was, I just couldn't shake it. Comments like "I know what Mom wants the most for Christmas this year...you to move out!" just make me feel hurt and unloved. My brother lived at home for almost a year when he failed out of his program in college and my sister lives at home now. Yet, I'm the one who's being told my mom can't wait until I leave. Ouch.
So, in response to all this, I became super cranky. I was very short with my family and stayed pretty quiet the rest of the day. If they talked to me, I was quick to bite off their heads. Not the best way to handle it, I know. Looking back, I feel bad for reacting that way. But I was hurt (and very tired).
I feel like I'm in a weird funk. Usually this time of year gets me super excited and I go all out. I start listening to Christmas music the minute we're done with Thanksgiving and pull out all my Christmas movies. I'm not at all excited right now. Instead, all I feel like doing is laying around and doing nothing productive. Now I'm finding myself feeling extra sensitive or cranky about things. I know I need to spend time with the Lord and just lay everything at His feet...but I have no motivation or desire. I told a couple people in my bible study last week that I've been learning a lot of great things at church and in bible study, but I haven't applied any of it. I've been filling my head but my heart is stagnant.
I hate feeling this way, but I need to be proactive about getting out my funk instead of letting it get the best of me. Not always easy, but I need to trust that God will help me through.
No comments:
Post a Comment