Just when I thought I was going to be able to know where I will be working next year before school let out for the first time, God decided it shouldn't be that easy.
I'm in an interim position, which means that as long as the teacher I'm replacing continues her internship, (she's doing an admin internship), I have to reapply and reinterview each year for another 1 year contract. Sarah (the teacher I'm replacing) decided to stick with the internship, which meant I got to interview to keep my position. I first interviewed with my principal and one of my kindergarten teammates and then interviewed with the superintendent and curriculum director about a week and a half ago.
I thought the 2nd interview went really well. The superintendent and curriculum director know who I am, so when I sat down, they simply said "You've been through this before. There's no need to go through all the formalities. We just want to talk about how your year has been." I talked about many things I've experienced this year, making sure to slip in things I know they were looking for (data, intervention, student success, parent communication, etc.). I felt like it went really well. They nodded along with a lot of the things I said. Afterwards, the superintendent told me I'd probably hear a decision the next week (this past week) because they had one more person to interview.
Later that afternoon, my principal called me and told me that things were going to take a bit longer than they had expected. She told me the reason was because the second person they interviewed wasn't qualified and they wanted my principal to reopen the position online for 2 weeks and go through the whole interview process again.
The next day, my principal came into my classroom during my prep time, sort of freaking out. She said that she had no idea why they were making her reopen the position online and why she has to go through the whole process again. She then asked how my interview went and what I said. She agreed with what I said and talked about, thought it was what they were wanting to hear, but then said that she was really nervous. She essentially was leading on to the fact that there was something about me that the superintendent and curriculum director didn't like and there was some reason they didn't want to just default the position to me when the 2nd interviewer didn't work out. That, of course, led me to start getting nervous.
After an initial freak out period, I started thinking about other reasons why they would be going through all this. Maybe it's just a formality. Maybe they weren't even able to interview the other girl at all and they have to interview two people before making a decision. I went through just about every possible scenario.
Because I'm a first year teacher in the district, I'm under an evaluation year. I had to put together a Professional Learning Plan and I had to present it to my principal yesterday. I made sure to go above and beyond on it in the event that my principal's worries were true. Needless to say, she was impressed with it. After telling me that she was impressed, she asked if she could keep it. I of course said yes. She said that she wanted to keep it not only to finish my evaluation, but to show it to the superintendent and curriculum director. My principal is a pretty emotional person and has been known to cry on a few occasions. As she said that she wanted to show it to them, she got teary eyed. She said that she couldn't tell me why, but they needed to see it and that she was going to do whatever she could to keep me. What?!
So, apparently there was something I said or did or whatever that is making the superintendent and curriculum director hesitate with rehiring me. I couldn't believe this was happening. I could understand it if I did something that caused worry, but I haven't done ANYTHING wrong! My principal has only raved about me and my teaching all year. I've taken advantage of learning opportunities that the district has offered. I signed up to do curriculum work this summer. What the heck could be the issue??
What makes me nervous is the curriculum director. She was the principal at my school last year and apparently got rid of a great interim 1st grade teacher for no apparent reason. She gave this girl good feedback on her teaching all year and then when it came down to rehiring her, she didn't and didn't give a reason why. She has a track record of just getting rid of interim teachers for no apparent reason. And now, as the curriculum director, she has even more power. Luckily for me, I have my principal on my side fighting for me as much as she can. She's not going to let me go down without a fight, and I'm incredibly thankful for that.
I'm sure this is another testing of my faith. But sometimes I get to a point where I just want to ask God why. Why do I have to go through all this yet again? Why does everyone else find and get to keep jobs they love? I know God never promised an easy life, but I seriously feel like I can't ever catch a break.
We just read Job in church for our Bible in a Year plan. Job couldn't ever catch a break either because Satan wanted to show God that if bad things happened to Job, he would turn his back on God. Job never did. I don't want to be mad at God for having to go through this stuff every year and I desperately want to trust that it's all a part of a greater purpose. But some days, I'm just plain mad and frustrated. Mad that people with power do crappy things to good people. Frustrated that I put everything I had into this year and it feels like it wasn't good enough. Sad that I could potentially have to leave a school and district that I love so dearly, even after only one year. But it's out of my control now and I just have to trust that God will work it out...somehow.
