Last weekend, Miranda asked me what I liked about being back in Madison. My first response was the city itself...I love this city. Despite that though, I haven't done much to enjoy it since moving back. Sad day.

It was kind of a thought provoking question. I don't dislike living here. I've always loved Madison. But it's so different. I met my best friends in Madison. But, none of them live here anymore. The people I do still know are just acquaintances. I went to a Halloween party with some people from church this past Saturday. I knew a handful of people. It was fun to hang out and meet new people, but I was quickly reminded of how long I've been gone. Conversations with the people I did know only lasted a brief few minutes. After the general, surface-level questions, they quickly moved on to hanging out with people they were closer with. I tried to open up and have a good time, but it just didn't feel right. I was clearly the newbie outsider...and I felt like it. If I were in the same situation with friends from Milwaukee, that party would've been a blast.

I'm enjoying my Lifegroup through church and it's nice to have a small group of people to see every week. Sadly, the one person I've connected the most with is a guy (don't worry, not in a romantic way...I'm not attracted to him) who is moving back home to the East coast at the end of the month. It figures the one person I connect the most with and enjoy the most is leaving...it's pretty much the story of my life.

I don't know why I'm struggling with this so much. How many times have I moved in my life?? Almost too many to count. So I should know that transition always takes time. Why am I expecting community to happen instantly? Actually, I don't think that it was that I was expecting it to happen so quickly. I think it's just that I long for it so much. This in between transition time is so hard for me as an extrovert. It makes me miss my close friends all that much more.

I just wish I could speed up time...

Learning to be Content

I'm starting to realize it's hard for me to feel content with where God has me in my life. For a long time, I longed for a teaching job. Little did I realize God was just preparing me for one with 4 years of "less-than-ideal" (in my mind) teaching-related jobs. And now, despite having a great job that I love and am good at, I now have something else to long for...a relationship. I see (what seems like) everyone around me getting into relationships, getting married, and having babies. And my first reaction is one of envy and longing. I don't even want babies right now! Why do I care??

Instead of wanting what others have, I need to learn to be content (and thankful!) for what I have and where I am now. Otherwise I'm never going to be content with where I am in life...ever. Just like with my "less-than-ideal" jobs, they all served a specific purpose and prepared me for what was ahead. Could I have gotten more from those experiences if I had just learned (or let God help me) to be content in that season of life rather than worry? What can I get out of my season of singleness when I'm content with where God has me and focus on what God is trying to teach me?

I think partially why this is such a strong desire is because I have a romanticized idea of what marriage will be like. I've seen friend after friend get married. Their first response? "Married life is AMAZING!" Who wouldn't want to experience that if it's really that great? I also think it's partly because I'm longing for close community here in Madison. People that I know who are in relationships or are married always have someone to do something with. And more often than not, that significant other is someone with shared interests. I so badly long for someone to spend time with that enjoys the same things I do. Instead, I need to learn how to be content with what I have and where I am now. I need to learn how to say (and truly mean) that God is ENOUGH. All I need.

Getting married or teaching can't be my ultimate goals. Leaning on God and fully trusting Him need to be my goals. Those are things that will ultimately matter in life. God cares about our character and hearts, not what we accomplished.

Praying for peace...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Extrovert to the core

This past weekend, I had an amazing weekend. Possibly one of the best of my life!

Rewind.

Friday night: After a crazy Friday afternoon at school (we took the whole school to the Oregon homecoming parade!), I rushed to get the bare minimum ready for Monday and took off to Milwaukee. I picked Cassie up and we went to Turner Hall downtown to see Mat Kearney. When I bought the tickets, it said online that the concert was at 7:00. However, when we got there (right around 7), there was a big line out the door, waiting to get in. We quickly found out that the doors weren't opening until 7:30 and the opening act wasn't starting until 8:30. It ended up being perfect because I for sure thought we were going to be getting there right as the concert was starting. The tickets were general admission, so when we got inside, they had chairs and small tables set up throughout the hall. Cassie and I sat down in a couple of chairs, but quickly saw a small group of people standing up at the very front at the stage. It didn't take us long to decide that was where we wanted to watch the concert! To make a long, amazing concert short, we saw Mat Kearney from the very front and eventually got to shake his hand. Incredible.

Saturday night: On Saturday, my friends from Elmbrook Church in MKE, Reed and Sarah, got married. I wasn't sure who was going to be at the wedding because they know so many people from church and are the type of people that are friends with everyone. I wasn't sure where they made the cut-off. It ended up being kind of a random group of people, but it ended up being really fun. There were enough of my "closer" friends there that it was fun and wasn't the usual reminder of the fact that I'm single at yet another wedding. My friend Sevea and I ended up dancing the night away...and one of my favorite things is a good wedding dance! :)

Sunday: Miranda put her name in a lottery for Brewers playoff tickets a while back and was chosen to buy some! So, she and I went to the game on Sunday! On top of that, Anna was sitting 4 rows behind us with her fiancé and parents! Miller Park is one of my "happy places" just during a regular season game...imagine it during a playoff game!! It was one of the most incredible things I've ever been to! The energy in the park was absolutely insane! And on top of that, we won the game...so that was just a little bit cool. ;)

This weekend really reminded how much of an extrovert I am. Most people that I know would be burnt out by such a busy weekend. Instead, I was so energized by it! After being in a place where my social life, or people time if you will, has been significantly cut down, it felt so good to be around people I enjoy and who know me well. When I'm around those people in my life, I am so much more outgoing! I feel like the new people I have met here in Madison don't really know the "real" me. Not that I'm being fake with them. But when I'm around people I enjoy and know well, I come out of my shell so much more. I look forward to the day where I can feel like that around the people I've met here. It always takes me a bit when I meet someone to feel comfortable around them and like I can really be my "true" self. The girl who is crazy about sports and loves to yell and cheer on my favorite team. The girl who can quote Friends like it's my job and relate multiple situations a day to the show. The girl who loves being invested in, feeling needed and loved, and longs for deep meaningful relationships. The girl who loves having something to do with people.

I have noticed that each move has made this "warm up" time with new people shorter. When I first moved to Wisconsin in 6th grade, 4 previous moves had made me the shyest girl around. My best friend from high school would be the first person to tell you how long it took me to open up. Now, I wouldn't characterize myself as shy per say. For whatever reason, it just takes me a little bit to show people all sides of me. But, each time I have to do it, it takes a little bit less time.