Last time, I wrote about hanging out with my Lifegroup and a guy named Janaque from my LG who was moving to Massachusetts. Well, about 2 weeks before he moved away, we realized that all of our hanging out was becoming more than friends. I didn't think I liked him initially, but the more I hung out with him and got to know him, the more I liked him. We then had a decision to make...not see each other the last 2 weeks he was in town, or continue to hang out and essentially "date" for those 2 weeks. We chose the latter. ;) To make a long story short, we saw each other just about every day/night those 2 weeks and it was probably the best 2 weeks I've ever had. We realized that we were making him moving away harder on us, but I honestly didn't think it would be that hard after only knowing him well for about a month and "dating" for 2 weeks.
I was wrong.
Janaque moved away last Tuesday and it sucked...royally. I couldn't believe how much I fell for this guy in those short 2 weeks. We thought the smart thing would be to just try to be friends and keep boundaries on how often we talked. That lasted about a day. We couldn't hold back talking to each other. We talked last Saturday night for about 4 hours and in that conversation, realized we had a big decision to make. We couldn't keep things the way they were without any kind of definition. That wouldn't be fair to either of us. Do we try the friend thing or do we try the long distance dating thing? The "I like you but I'm not actually dating you" thing wasn't going to work.
The "just be friends" route would be much safer. My type A logical brain likes that option. How could I possibly date and feel this way about someone after only 2 weeks of dating?? Trying a long distance relationship just seems foolish. But, just being friends means we'd probably have to not talk as much...I don't know if that would be possible.
On the other hand, a long distance relationship would mean a ton of risk and commitment. It would mean lots of money in flights to visit and trying to grow closer/continue to get to know each other from afar. And, ultimately if things worked out, it would mean one of us would have to sacrifice and move. Yikes.
We decided we couldn't make that decision in the spur of the moment. We decided we needed to pray about it. A lot. And talk to those closest to us to get advice. To do that, we decided not to talk (phone/text/email/FB) for a week so we could spend some quality time with the Lord about it. It's only been 2 days and I'm going crazy. I don't think I can last a whole week without talking to him. But, it has allowed me some sweet time with Jesus.
Obviously I need to talk to him to see where he's at with all this, but these last 2 days have showed me that I don't want to be "just friends" and not talk as much. I miss him too much. It scares the crap out of me though. A long distance relationship takes a lot of commitment. Any kind of relationship is risky. Can I really be feeling this way after 2 weeks?? How do I know this is really real and not just the beginning "honeymoon" stage?
I really just need to not let my head freak out and rest in God. I need to trust that He has everything under control. If it's meant to be, it'll all work out. If not, He'll let us know that too. I'll keep you posted. :)
"Show me your ways, Lord,
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for You are God my Savior,
and my hope is in You all day long."
Psalm 25:4-5
teach me your paths.
Guide me in your truth and teach me,
for You are God my Savior,
and my hope is in You all day long."
Psalm 25:4-5
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