The other day, I went to Holly's first fall frisbee game with Jennifer. A girl from my summer team was on the opposing team and was sharing Holly's water, so she often came over to where we were sitting to get a drink. One of the times she came over, she asked me if I was playing in fall league. I started to answer her, explaining that I was moving back to Milwaukee later in the week, but she walked away in the middle of my explanation (literally 2 sentences). Jennifer couldn't believe she had done that, but my first reaction was that it wasn't much different to how many people on my summer team treat me. I gave Jennifer the example of when Holly and I missed 2 weeks worth of games due to being out of town (for different reasons). When we returned, everyone on our team was so excited that Holly was back...while not a single person realized I had even been gone for 2 weeks. Either that, or they did realize, but just didn't care. My reaction to things like this is "What's new? It's the story of my life."

I was quickly told by both Holly and Jennifer on the way home that it doesn't have to be like that. People treat me like that because I let them. I sort of agree with this and have been known to let friends of mine walk over me and mistreat me, but I feel like it's different with people I don't know. Before I even get to know people, I feel like I'm cast into the shadows right away. I can't even count how many times I have to be introduced to people multiple times until they remember they've met me. I always thought it was because I'm quiet around people I don't know, especially when I'm not comfortable. That's who I am...someone who is quiet until I get to know people and feel more comfortable. I don't understand why that causes people to ignore me or not notice me or whatever.

Do I have to change who I am to change how people perceive me?
What do I do when I meet someone new that causes them to not remember me?
Do I come off as stuck up? Boring? Not interested in them?

The girls told me that it's one thing to be quiet and be okay with it...it's another thing to be quiet but not be okay with how people respond to it. Sometimes we have to do things out of our comfort zone. The only way I am going to be able to change how people act towards me is to change how I act towards them first.

That scares me.

I don't know how to go about it. I don't know how to suddenly become more talkative or outgoing or confident. I don't feel like I act uninterested when I meet new people, but I guess I need to put more effort into making conversation. I need to be more proactive about getting to know people. I love it when people take time out to ask me questions...get to know me...get to know my heart. I need to try to take the initiative in doing the same with others. It's not that I don't want to...it's just hard for me to do. It's not something that comes naturally. I want to be someone who people remember. I want to be someone who not only cares about others, but shows it. Sometimes...I just want to be someone else.