FRUSTRATION

Last weekend, I went to a college roommate's wedding.  I wasn't expecting to have much fun because I was only going to know a handful of people.  But, I had a great time catching up and reminiscing with another college roommate.  After dinner, we made our way to the dance floor, and over the course of the night, I had 3 guys interested in talking and/or dancing with me.  One of them was a guy that the bride's mom wanted to set me up with.  He was a charming and fun guy, and I had a great time dancing with him.  But, I don't think he's a Christian and that's a big deal for me.

On my drive home, I was feeling conflicted.  I had a great time at the wedding, but I just had this feeling of frustration.  I had 3 guys show interest in me at this wedding…and yet the 1 guy I want seems to be taking forever to decide what he wants.  I know it's not something wrong with me that's causing Josh to be so indecisive.  But at the same time, I just want him to see what other people see in me.  Maybe he does see it, but I want him to act on it.  What girl doesn't want a guy to care about her so much that he doesn't want to hold back?

Since Josh's birthday on January 6, I decided to try a little experiment.  I decided to not initiate contact with him until my birthday party (next weekend - essentially, a month later) to see if he would initiate anything.  I had asked him if I could treat him to a birthday drink and he said he was busy that week and the following week he was traveling for work.  So, I told him he knows where to find me if he wants to cash in on it and then I took a step back.  Well, the month is almost over and I haven't heard a thing from him, aside from random Facebook comments every now and then.  I'm so frustrated and confused.  How can you tell me you want to start over, want me to build a relationship with your girls, and want to focus on our friendship right now and then NOT TALK TO ME??  Did he not mean those words?  Did he mean them, but is afraid to say or do anything?  Is he just too busy?  Ughhhhh I'm just at a loss for what to do.  Every guy I meet just doesn't even come close to Josh.  I'm still keeping my eyes open but it just doesn't look promising.  I know what I want.  I know who I want.  Why does it have to be so hard?  I feel like some people have it so easy.  Not that I want my life to be easy all the time, but I feel like I've had my fair share of trials and faith-building experiences.  I wish something - just one thing - would happen easily.  I'm sure someday I will look back at this and laugh or just shake my head, but for now I'm frustrated.