Freedom.

I love how the Lord knows how to comfort our hearts when we need it most. This week was difficult at times because of everything I've been feeling about the Mike situation. I've felt hurt, sad, angry, frustrated, pushed aside, inadequate...the list continues.

On Wednesday, I went to Impact with a very heavy heart. On the verge of tears (if you know me, you know this is pretty significant because crying is rare for me), I just laid everything at God's feet. I tried to focus on Him rather than worrying about Mike. As a result, I felt so uplifted. The message was the last in a series studying Exodus. We had messages on bondage, liberation, and wilderness leading up to it and on Wednesday we talked about freedom.

Freedom. Freedom from the things that weigh us down. Freedom from the bondage of sin. Freedom from pain...sadness...heartache.

Benj (the Impact intern giving the message) talked about how the Israelites experienced freedom when they reached the Promise Land. In the same way, we experience freedom through Christ. He pointed out how we became cursed by the fall in Genesis but in Revelation it talks about how the curse will be lifted when Jesus returns. He pointed out all the things we will experience..."God's dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." (Revelation 21:3-4). He then talked about how we can experience all of those things in Jesus. Just like heaven will come to earth when Jesus returns, those things of heaven can come to earth now through Jesus.

None of what I heard on Wednesday was new information to me. I've heard it all before. But it was like God opened my eyes to it in a different way. It was like all of a sudden, it just made sense. I saw the connections in Genesis and Revelation and understood how that's relevant to us now through Jesus. I've always known that we can experience good things through faith in Jesus, but I never fully realized that we can experience HEAVEN on earth...Jesus made that possible for us. Instead of yearning for the day I can experience heaven, I can experience those things now. It seems like something so obvious...but it finally hit home.

I tend to dwell in my pain and hurt, and wish for the day that things are different. But this week, I realized the extent of what I have in Jesus. Dwelling on the obstacles in life only make them seem bigger. Staring at a mountain from the bottom makes it seem huge. But when you compare a mountain to the rest of the world from above, it's tiny. In the same way, dwelling on Jesus and who He is will make the obstacles in life seem much smaller. Duh! It only took me how long to realize this?

When I left Impact on Wednesday, I felt so incredibly uplifted. Why dwell on this stupid situation with Mike? In the words of Jill Briscoe this morning at church, "It is God that determines whether I'm worthy." I can't let any boy (or any person for that matter) try to determine my worth. I am so blessed with the friends and family in my life, and I am blessed with who God made me to be. I'm SO tired of letting other people determine my worth. I've spent so much time yearning to feel loved and dwelling on things like being single or feeling lonely, that I have completely left God out of the equation.

My friend Joshua said it best this week at bible study: "Sometimes God doesn't fulfill our desires until we desire Him more."

So that's what I want to try to do...desire Him more. It won't be easy and there will be days that I won't have the motivation to try, but it will be so worth it...

freedom.